Chapter 14
for Easy Power
Relax
"EVERY NIGHT IN these United States more than six
million sleeping tablets are required to put the American
people to sleep."
This startling statement was made to me several years ago by
a drug manufacturer at a convention of that industry where I
was giving a speech. Though his assertion seemed incredible,
I have been told by others who are in a position to know that
the above estimate is now an understatement.
In fact, I heard another good authority assert that the
American people are using about twelve million doses of
sleeping tablets per day. That is enough to put every twelfth
American to sleep tonight.
Statistics show that the use of sleeping tablets has risen 1000
percent in recent years. But a more recent statement is even
more startling. According to the vice-president of a large
drug manufacturing concern approximately seven billion
one-half-grain tablets are consumed yearly, which works out
at about nineteen million tablets per night.
What a pathetic situation. Sleep is a natural restorative
process. One would think that any person after a day's work
would be able to sleep peacefully, but apparently Americans
have even lost the art of sleeping. In fact, so keyed up are
they that I, a minister with ample opportunity to test the
matter, must report that the American people are so nervous
and high-strung that now it is almost next to impossible to
put them to sleep with a sermon. It has been years since I
have seen anyone sleep in church. And that is a sad situation.
A Washington official who loves to juggle figures, especially
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astronomical figures, told me that last year in the United
States there was a total of seven and a half billion headaches.
This works itself out at approximately fifty headaches per
head per annum. Have you had your quota yet this year? Just
how this official arrived at these figures he did not say, but
shortly after our conversation I noticed a report that in a
recent year the drug industry sold eleven million pounds of
aspirin. Perhaps this era might appropriately be termed "The
Aspirin Age," as one author has called it.
An authoritative source declares that every other hospital bed
in the United States is occupied by a patient who was put
there not because he encountered a germ or had an accident
or developed an organic malady, but because of his inability
to organize and discipline his emotions.
In a clinic five hundred patients were examined hand running
and 386, or 77 percent, were found to be ill of psychosomatic
difficulties — physical illness caused largely by unhealthy
mental states. Another clinic made a study of a large number
of ulcer cases and reported that nearly half were made ill, not
as the result of physical troubles, but because the patients
worried too much or hated too much, had too much guilt, or
were tension victims.
A doctor from still another clinic made the observation that
in his opinion medical men, despite all extraordinary
scientific developments, are now able to heal by the means
of science alone less than half the maladies brought them. He
declares that in many cases patients are sending back into
their bodies the diseased thoughts of their minds. Prominent
among these diseased thoughts are anxiety and tension.
This unhappy situation has become so serious that in our
own Marble Collegiate Church, Fifth Avenue at 29th Street,
New York City, we now have twelve psychiatrists on the
staff under the supervision of Dr. Smiley Blanton. Why
psychiatrists on the staff of a church? The answer is that
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psychiatry is a science. Its function is the analysis, diagnosis,
and treatment of human nature according to certain well-
authenticated laws and procedures.
Christianity may also be thought of as a science. It is a
philosophy, a system of theology, a system of metaphysics,
and a system of worship. It also works itself out in moral and
ethical codes. But Christianity also has the characteristics of
a science in that it is based upon a book which contains a
system of techniques and formulas designed for the
understanding and treatment of human nature. The laws are
so precise and have been so often demonstrated when proper
conditions of understanding, belief, and practice are applied
that religion may be said to form an exact science.
When a person comes to our clinic the first counselor is
perhaps a psychiatrist who in a kindly and careful manner
studies the problem and tells the patient "why he does what
he does." This is a most important fact to learn. Why, for
example, have you had an inferiority complex all your life
long, or why have you been haunted by fear, or, again, why
do you nurse resentment? Why have you always been shy
and reticent, or why do you do stupid things or make inept
statements? These phenomena of your human nature do not
just happen. There is a reason why you do what you do and it
is an important day in your life experience when at last you
discover the reason. Self-knowledge is the beginning of self-
correction.
Following the self-knowledge process the psychiatrist turns
the patient over to the pastor who tells him how to do what
he ought to do. The pastor applies to the case, in scientific
and systematic form, the therapies of prayer, faith, and love.
The psychiatrist and the minister pool their knowledge and
combine their therapies with the result that many people
have found new life and happiness. The minister does not
attempt to be a psychiatrist nor the psychiatrist a pastor. Each
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performs his own function but always in co-operation.
The Christianity utilized in this procedure is the undiluted
teachings of Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior of man's life. We
believe in the practical, absolute workability of the teachings
of Jesus. We believe that we can indeed "do all things
through Christ." (Philippians 4:13) The Gospel as we work
with it proves to be a literal fulfillment of the astonishing
promise, "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have
entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath
prepared for them that love Him." (I Corinthians 2:9) Believe
(in Christ); believe in His system of thought and practice;
believe and you will overcome all fear, hate, inferiority,
guilt, and every form and manner of defeat. In other words,
no good thing is too good to be true. You have never seen,
never heard, never even imagined the things God will give to
those who love Him.
In the work of the clinic one frequent problem is that of
tension. This, to a very large degree, may be called the
prevailing malady of the American people. But not only the
American people seem to suffer from tension. The Royal
Bank of Canada some time ago devoted its monthly letter to
this problem under the title, "Let's Slow Down," and says in
part: "This monthly letter does not set itself up as a counselor
of mental and physical health, but it is attempting to break
down a problem that bedevils every adult person in Canada,"
and, I might add, in the United States as well.
The bank letter goes on to say: "We are victims of a
mounting tension; we have difficulty in relaxing. Our high-
strung nervous systems are on a perpetual binge. Caught up
as we are in the rush all day, every day, and far into the
night, we are not living fully. We must remember what
Carlyle called 'the calm supremacy of the spirit over its
circumstances.' "
When a prominent banking institution calls to the attention
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of its customers the fact that they are failing to derive from
life what they really want from it because they have become
victims of tension, it is certainly time something was done
about the situation.
In St. Petersburg, Florida, I actually saw a machine on the
street equipped with a sign, "What is your blood pressure?"
You could put a coin in a slot and get the bad news. When
you can buy a reading on blood pressure like you buy gum
out of a slot machine, it indicates that many people have this
problem.
One of the simplest methods for reducing tension is to
practice the easy-does-it attitude. Do everything more
slowly, less hectically, and without pressure. My friend
Branch Rickey, famous baseball man, told me that he would
not use a player no matter how well he hits, fields, or runs if
he is guilty of "overpressing." To be a successful big-league
baseball player there must be a flow of easy power through
every action and of course through the mind. The most
effective way to hit a ball is by the easy method, where all
the muscles are flexible and operating in correlated power.
Try to kill the ball and you will slice it or maybe miss it
altogether. This is true in golf, in baseball, in every sport.
From 1907 through 1919, except for one year, 1916, Ty
Cobb's batting average led the American League, a record so
far as I know that has never been surpassed. Ty Cobb
presented the bat with which he performed his extraordinary
feats to a friend of mine. I was permitted to take this bat in
my hand, which I did with considerable awe. In the spirit of
the game I struck a pose, as if to bat. Doubtless my batting
stance was not in any sense reminiscent of the immortal
slugger. In fact, my friend, who was himself at one time a
minor league baseball player, chuckled and said, "Ty Cobb
would never do it that way. You are too rigid, too tense. You
are obviously overtrying. You would probably strike out."
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It was beautiful to watch Ty Cobb. The man and the bat were
one. It was a study in rhythm, and one marveled at the ease
with which he got into the swing. He was a master of easy
power. It is the same in all success. Analyze people who are
really efficient and they always seem to do things easily,
with a minimum of effort. In so doing they release maximum
power.
One of my friends, a famous businessman who handles
important affairs and varied interests, always seems to be at
ease. He does everything efficiently and quickly but is never
in a dither. He never has that anxious, frazzled look on his
face which marks people who cannot handle either their time
or their work. I inquired the secret of his obviously easy
power.
He smiled and replied, "Oh, it isn't much of a secret. I just try
keep myself in tune with God. That's all. Every morning after
breakfast," he explained, "my wife and I go into the living
room for a period of quietness. One of us reads aloud some
inspirational piece to get us into the mood of meditation. It
maybe a poem or a few paragraphs of a book. Following that
we sit quietly, each praying or meditating according to his
own mood and manner, then together we affirm the thought
that God is filling us with strength and quiet energy. This is a
definite fifteen-minute ritual and we never miss it. We
couldn't get along without it. We would crack up. As a result
I always seem to feel that I have more energy than I need and
more power than is required." So said this efficient man who
demonstrates easy power.
I know a number of men and women who practice this or
similar techniques for reducing tension. It is becoming a
quite general and popular procedure nowadays.
One February morning I was rushing down the long veranda
of a Florida hotel with a handful of mail just in from my
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office in New York. I had come to Florida for a midwinter
vacation, but hadn't seemed to get out of the routine of
dealing with my mail the first thing in the morning. As I
hurried by, headed for a couple of hours' work with the mail,
a friend from Georgia who was sitting in a rocking chair with
his hat partially over his eyes stopped me in my headlong
rush and said in his slow and pleasant Southern drawl,
"Where are you rushing for, Doctor? That's no way to do
down here in the Florida sunshine. Come over here and 'set'
in one of these rocking chairs and help me practice one of the
greatest of the arts."
Mystified, I said, "Help you practice one of the greatest of
the arts ! "
"Yes," he replied, "an art that is passing out. Not many
people know how to do it anymore."
"Well," I asked, "please tell me what it is. I don't see you
practicing any art."
"Oh, yes, I am," he said. "I am practicing the art of just sittin'
in the sun. Sit here and let the sun fall on your face. It is
warmlike and it smells good. It makes you feel peaceful
inside. Did you ever think about the sun?" he asked. "It never
hurries, never gets excited, it just works slowly and makes no
noise — doesn't push any buzzers, doesn't answer any
telephones, doesn't ring any bells, just goes on a-shining, and
the sun does more work in the fraction of an instant than you
and I could ever do in a lifetime. Think of what it does. It
causes the flowers to bloom, keeps the trees growing, warms
the earth, causes the fruit and vegetables to grow and the
crops to ripen, lifts water to send back on the earth, and it
makes you feel 'peaceful like.'
"I find that when I sit in the sun and let the sun work on me it
puts some rays into me that give me energy; that is, when I
take time to sit in the sun.
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"So throw that mail over in the corner," he said, "and sit
down here with me."
I did so, and when finally I went to my room and got at my
mail I finished it in no time at all. And there was a good part
of the day left for vacation activities and for more "sittin 1 in
the sun."
Of course I know a lot of lazy people who have been sittin' in
the sun all their lives and never amounted to anything. There
is a difference between sittin' and relaxing, and just sittin'.
But if you sit and relax and think about God and get yourself
in tune with Him and open yourself to the flow of His power,
then sittin' is not laziness; in fact, it is about the best way to
renew power. It produces driving energy, the kind of energy
you drive, not the kind that drives you.
The secret is to keep the mind quiet, avoiding all hectic
reactions of haste, and to practice peaceful thinking. The
essence of the art is to keep the tempo down; to perform your
responsibilities on the basis of the most efficient
conservation of energy. It is advisable to adopt one or two
workable plans through the use of which you can become
expert in the practice of relaxed and easy power.
One of the best such plans was suggested to me by Captain
Eddie Rickenbacker. A very busy man, he manages to handle
his responsibilities in a manner indicating reserves of power.
I found one element of his secret quite by accident.
I was filming a program for television with him. We had
been assured that the work could be done quickly, leaving
him free to go to the many other matters on his daily agenda.
However, the filming was long delayed beyond the time
anticipated. I noted, however, that the Captain showed no
signs of agitation. He did not become nervous or anxious. He
did not pace up and down, putting in frantic calls to his
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office. Instead, he accepted the situation gracefully. There
were a couple of old rocking chairs at the studio, apparently
intended for use in a set other than ours. He sat in one rocker
in a very relaxed manner.
I have always been a great admirer of Eddie Rickenbacker
and I commented on his lack of tension. "I know how busy
you are," I said, "and I marvel at the way you sit quiet,
composed, and peaceful like."
For myself, I was a bit disturbed largely because I regretted
to take so much of Captain Rickenbacker's time. "How can
you be so imperturbable?" I asked.
He laughingly replied, "Oh, I just practice what you preach.
Come on, easy does it. Sit down here beside me."
I pulled up the other rocking chair and did a little relaxing on
my own. Then I said, "Eddie, I know you have some
technique to attain this impressive serenity. Tell me about it,
please."
He is a modest man, but because of my persistence he gave
me a formula which he says he uses frequently. I now use it
myself and it is very effective. It may be described as
follows:
First, collapse physically. Practice this several times a day.
Let go every muscle in the body. Conceive of yourself as a
jellyfish, getting your body into complete looseness. Form a
mental picture of a huge burlap bag of potatoes. Then
mentally cut the bag, allowing the potatoes to roll out. Think
of yourself as the bag.
What is more relaxed than an empty burlap bag?
The second element in the formula is to "drain the mind."
Several times each day drain the mind of all irritation, all
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resentment, disappointment, fmstration, and annoyance.
Unless you drain the mind frequently and regularly, these
unhappy thoughts will accumulate until a major blasting-out
process will be necessary. Keep the mind drained of all
factors which would impede the flow of relaxed power.
Third, think spiritually. To think spiritually means to turn the
mind at regular Intervals to God. At least three times a day
"lift up your eyes unto the hills." This keeps you in tune with
God's harmony. It refills you with peace.
This three-point program greatly impressed me, and I have
been practicing it for some months. It is an excellent method
for relaxing and living on the basis of easy does it.
From my friend Dr. Z. Taylor Bercovitz, of New York City,
I have learned much of the art of working relaxed. Often
when under pressure, with an office full of patients and
telephone calls coming in, he will suddenly stop, lean against
his desk, and talk to the Lord in a manner both natural and
respectful. I like the style of his prayer. He tells me that it
runs something like this: "Look, Lord, I am pushing myself
too hard. I am getting jittery. Here I am counseling people to
practice quietness, now I must practice it. Touch me with
your healing peace. Give me composure, quietness, strength,
and conserve my nervous energy so that I can help these
people who come to me."
He stands quietly for a minute or two. Then he thanks the
Lord and proceeds with full but easy power to do his work.
Often in making sick calls about the city he finds himself in a
traffic jam. He has a most interesting method of using these
potentially irritating delays as opportunities to relax. Shutting
off his engine, he slumps in his seat, putting his head back,
closing his eyes, and has even been known to go to sleep. He
says there is no reason to be concerned about going to sleep
because the strident honking of horns will awaken him when
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traffic begins to move.
These interludes of complete relaxation in the midst of traffic
last for only a minute or two, but they have energy-renewal
value. It is surprising how many minutes or fractions of
minutes during the day you can use to rest where you are. If
even in such fractional periods you deliberately draw on
God's power, you can maintain adequate relaxation. It isn't
length of relaxation time that produces power; it is the
quality of the experience.
I am told that Roger Babson, the famous statistician,
frequently goes into an empty church and sits quietly.
Perhaps he reads one or two hymns and in so doing finds rest
and renewal. Dale Carnegie, under tension, goes to a church
near his New York City office to spend a quarter-hour in
prayerful meditation. He says he leaves his office for this
purpose when busiest. This demonstrates control of time
rather than being controlled by it. It also indicates
watchfulness lest tension develop beyond a controllable
degree.
I encountered a friend on a train from Washington to New
York one night. This man is a member of Congress and he
explained that he was on his way to his district to speak at a
meeting of his constituents. The particular group he was
about to address was hostile to him, he said, and would
probably try to make things very difficult for him. Although
they represented a minority in his district, he was going to
face them just the same.
"They are American citizens and I am their representative.
They have a right to meet with me if they want to."
"You do not seem to be much worried about it," I
commented.
"No," he answered, "if I get worried about it, then I will be
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upset and will not handle the situation well."
"Do you have any particular method for handling such a
tense situation?" I asked.
"Oh, yes," he replied, "they will be a noisy crowd. But I have
my own way of meeting such situations without tension. I
will breathe deeply, talk quietly, speak sincerely, be friendly
and respectful, hold my temper, and trust in God to see me
through.
"I have learned one important fact," the Congressman
continued, "and that is in any situation be relaxed, keep calm,
take a friendly attitude, have faith, do your best. Do this, and
usually you can make things come out all right."
I have no doubt about the ability of this Congressman to live
and work without tension, and, what is more, successfully to
attain his objectives.
When we were doing some construction work at my farm in
Pawling, New York, I watched a workman swinging a
shovel. He was shoveling a pile of sand. It was a beautiful
sight. Stripped to the waist, his lean and muscular body
worked with precision and correlation. The shovel rose and
fell in perfect rhythm. He would push the shovel into the
pile, lean his body against it, and drive it deep into the sand.
Then, in a clear, free swing it came up and the sand was
deposited without a break in the motion. Again the shovel
went back into the sand, again his body leaned against it,
again the shovel lifted easily in a perfect arc. One almost had
a feeling that he could sing in rhythm to the motion of this
workman. Indeed the man did sing as he worked.
I was not surprised when the foreman told me that he is
considered one of his best workmen. The foreman also spoke
of him as good-humored, happy, and a pleasant person with
whom to work. Here was a relaxed man who lived with
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joyous power, master of the art of easy does it.
Relaxation results from re-creation, and the process of
recreation should be continuous. The human being is meant
to be attached to a continual flow of force that proceeds from
God through the individual and back to God for renewal.
When one lives in tune with this constantly re-creative
process he leams the indispensable quality to relax and work
on the basis of easy does it.
Now, how to master this skill. Here are ten rules for taking
the hard way out of your job. Try these proven methods for
working hard easily. They will help you to relax and have
easy power.
1. Don't get the idea that you are Atlas carrying the world on
your shoulders. Don't strain so hard. Don't take yourself so
seriously.
2. Determine to like your work. Then it will become a
pleasure, not drudgery. Perhaps you do not need to change
your job. Change yourself and your work will seem different.
3. Plan your work — work your plan. Lack of system
produces that "I'm swamped" feeling.
4. Don't try to do everything at once. That is why time is
spread out. Heed that wise advice from the Bible, "This one
thing I do."
5. Get a correct mental attitude, remembering that ease or
difficulty in your work depends upon how you think about it.
Think it's hard and you make it hard. Think it's easy and it
tends to become easy.
6. Become efficient in your work. "Knowledge is
power" (over your job). It is always easier to do a thing right.
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8. Discipline yourself not to put off until tomorrow what you
can d7. Practice being relaxed. Easy always does it. Don't press or
tug. Take it in your stride.
o today. Accumulation of undone jobs makes your
work harder. Keep your work up to schedule.
9. Pray about your work. You will get relaxed efficiency by
so doing.
10. Take on the "unseen partner." It is surprising the load He
will take off you. God is as much at home in offices,
factories, stores, kitchens, as in churches. He knows more
about your job than you do. His help will make your work
easy.
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Chapter 15
How to Get People to Like You
WE MIGHT AS well admit it, we want people to like us.
You may hear someone say, "I don't care whether people like
me or not." But whenever you hear anyone say that, just put
it down as a fact that he is not really telling the truth.
The psychologist, William James, said, "One of the deepest
drives of human nature is the desire to be appreciated." The
longing to be liked, to be held in esteem, to be a sought-after
person, is fundamental in us.
A poll was taken among some high-school students on the
question, "What do you most desoire?" By overwhelming
majority the students voted that they wanted to be popular.
The same urge is in older people as well. Indeed it is
doubtful if anybody ever outlives the desire to be well
thought of, to be highly regarded, or to have the affection of
his associates.
To be master of the art of popularity, be artless. Strive
deliberately after popularity and the chances are you will
never attain it. But become one of those rare personalities
about whom people say, "He certainly has something," and
you can be certain you are on the way to having people like
you.
I must warn you, however, that despite your attainments in
popularity you will never get everybody to like you. There is
a curious quirk in human nature whereby some people just
naturally won't like you. A quatrain inscribed on a wall at
Oxford says:
"I do not love thee, Dr. Fell,
The reason why I cannot tell;
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But this alone I know full well,
I do not love thee, Dr. Fell. "
That verse is very subtle. The author did not l ik e Dr. Fell. He
didn't know why but he just knew he didn't like him. It was
most likely an unreasonable dislike, for undoubtedly Dr. Fell
was a very nice person. Perhaps if the author had known him
better he would have liked him, but poor Dr. Fell never did
become popular with the author of those lines. It may have
been due simply to a lack of rapprochement, that baffling
mechanism by which we either do or do not "click" with
certain people.
Even the Bible recognizes this unhappy fact about human
nature, for it says, "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you,
live peaceably with all men." (Romans 12:18) The Bible is a
very realistic book and it knows people, their infinite
possibilities as well as their imperfections. The Bible advised
the disciples that if they went into a village and after trying
their best to get along with people still couldn't do so, they
were to shake off the very dust of the village from their
feet — "And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out
of that city, shake off the very dust from your feet for a
testimony against them." (Luke 9:5) This is all by way of
saying that you will be wise if you do not let it too seriously
affect you if you do not achieve perfect popularity with
everyone.
However, there are certain formulas and procedures which, if
followed faithfully, can make you a person whom other
people like. You can enjoy satisfactory personal relationships
even if you are a "difficult" person or by nature shy and
retiring, even unsocial. You can make of yourself one who
enjoys easy, normal, natural, and pleasing relationships with
others.
I cannot urge you too strongly to consider the importance of
this subject and to give time and attention to its mastery, for
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you will never be fully happy or successful until you do.
Failure in this capacity will adversely affect you
psychologically. To be liked is of profounder importance
than mere ego satisfaction. As necessary as that is to your
success in life, normal and satisfactory personal relations are
even more important.
The feeling of not being wanted or needed is one of the most
devastating of all human reactions. To the degree to which
you are sought after or needed by other people will you
become a fully-released person. The "lone wolf," the isolated
personality, the retiring individual, these people suffer a
misery which is difficult to describe. In self-defense they
retire ever further within themselves. Their ingrowing,
introverted nature is denied the normal development which
the outgoing, self-giving person experiences. Unless the
personality is drawn out of itself and can be of value to
someone, it may sicken and die. The feeling of not being
wanted or needed produces frustration, aging, illness. If you
have a feeling of uselessness, if nobody needs or wants you,
you really ought to do something about it. It is not only a
pathetic way to live but is serious psychologically. Those
who deal with the problems of human nature constantly
encounter this problem and its unfortunate results.
For example, at a Rotary Club luncheon in a certain city two
physicians were at my table: one an elderly man who had
been retired for several years, the other the most popular
young doctor in town. The young doctor, looking frazzled,
dashed in late and slumped down with a weary sigh. "If only
the telephone would stop ringing," he complained. "I can't
get anywhere because people call me all the time. I wish I
could put a silencer on that telephone."
The old doctor spoke up quietly, "I know how you feel, Jim,"
he said. "I used to feel that way myself, but be thankful the
telephone does ring. Be glad people want and need you."
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Then he added pathetically, "Nobody ever calls me anymore.
I would like to hear the telephone ring again. Nobody wants
me and nobody needs me. I'm a has-been."
All of us at the table who sometimes feel a bit worn by
numerous activities did a lot of thinking as we listened to the
old doctor.
A middle-aged woman complained to me that she didn't feel
well. She was dissatisfied and unhappy. "My husband is
dead, the children are grown, and there is no place for me
anymore. People treat me kindly, but they are indifferent.
Everyone has his own interest and nobody needs me —
nobody wants me. I wonder, could that be a reason I do not
feel well?" she asked. Indeed that could very likely be an
important reason.
In a business office the founder of the firm just past seventy
was walking restlessly and aimlessly around. He talked with
me, while his son, present head of the business, whom I had
come to see, was on the telephone. The older man said
gloomily, "Why don't you write a book on how to retire?
That is what I need to know. I thought it was going to be
wonderful to give up the burdens of the job," he continued,
"but now I find that nobody is interested in anything I say. I
used to think I was a popular fellow, but now when I come
down here and sit around the office everyone says hello, then
they forget me. I might as well stay away altogether for all
they care. My son is running the business and he is doing a
good job of it, but," he concluded pathetically, "I'd like to
think they needed me a little bit."
These people are suffering one of the most pathetic and
unhappy experiences in this life. Their basic desire is to be
sought after and this desire is not being satisfied. They want
people to appreciate them. The personality longs for esteem.
But it isn't only in retirement that this situation develops.
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A girl of twenty-one told me that she had been unwanted
ever since birth. Someone had given her the notion she was
an unwanted child. This serious idea had sunk into her
subconscious, giving her a profound sense of inferiority and
self-depreciation. It made her shy and backward, causing her
to retreat into herself. She became lonely and unhappy and
was, in fact, an underdeveloped personality. The cure for her
condition was to revamp her life spiritually, especially her
thinking, which process in time made her a well-liked person
by setting her personality free of herself.
Countless other people, not particularly victims of deep,
unconscious psychological conflicts, have never mastered
the knack of being popular. They try hard enough. They even
go to extremes, often acting in a manner they do not really
enjoy, but which they employ only because of their intense
desire to have people like them. Everywhere today we see
people putting on an act because of their inordinate desire for
popularity in the superficial sense in which the word is often
used in modern society.
The fact is that popularity can be attained by a few simple,
natural, normal, and easily mastered techniques. Practice
them diligently and you can become a well-liked person.
First, become a comfortable person, that is, one with whom
people can associate without a sense of strain. Of some
persons it is said, "You can never quite get next to him."
There is always a barrier that you can't get over. A
comfortable person is easygoing and natural. He has a
pleasant, kindly, genial way about him. Being with him is
not unlike wearing an old hat or an old pair of shoes, or an
easy old coat. A stiff, reserved, unresponsive individual
never meshes into the group. He is always just a bit out of it.
You never quite know how to take him or how he will react.
You just aren't easy-like with him.
Some young people were talking about a seventeen-year-old
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boy whom they liked very much. Of him they said, "He is
good company. He is a good sport. He is easy to be with." It
is very important to cultivate the quality of being natural.
Usually that sort of individual is large-souled. Little people
who are much concerned about how you treat them, who are
jealous of their place or position, who meticulously stand on
their prerogatives, are stiff and easily offended.
A man who is an outstanding example of these truths is
James A. Parley, former Postmaster General of the United
States.
I met Mr. Parley for the first time a number of years ago.
Months later I met him in a large crowd of people and he
called me by name. Being human, I never forgot that, and it
is one reason I have always liked Mr. Parley.
An interesting incident illustrates the secret of this man who
is an expert in how to get people to like him. I was to speak
in Philadelphia at a book-and-author luncheon along with
Mr. Parley and two other authors. I did not actually witness
the scene I am about to describe, as I was late in arriving, but
my publisher did. The speakers at this luncheon were
walking along the hotel corridor together when they passed a
colored maid standing by a cart loaded with sheets, towels,
and other equipment with which she was servicing the
rooms. She was paying no attention to this group of people
as they turned aside to avoid her cart. Mr. Parley walked up
to her, put out his hand, and said, "Hello, there. How are
you? I'm Jim Parley. What's your name? Glad to see you."
My publisher looked back at her as the group passed down
the hall. The girl's mouth was wide with astonishment and
her face broke into a beautiful smile. It was an excellent
example of how an unegotistical, comfortable, outgoing
person is successful in personal relationships.
A university psychology department conducted an analysis
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of the personality traits by which people are liked or disliked.
One hundred traits were scientifically analyzed and it was
reported that one must have forty- six favorable traits in order
to be liked. It is rather discouraging to realize that you must
have so large a number of characteristics to be popular.
Christianity, however, teaches that one basic trait will go far
toward getting people to like you. That trait is a sincere and
forthright interest in and love for people. Perhaps if you
cultivate this basic trait, other traits will naturally develop.
If you are not the comfortable type of person, I suggest that
you make study of your personality with a view toward
eliminating conscious and unconscious elements of strain
which may exist. Do not assume that the reason other people
do not like you is because of something wrong with them.
Assume, instead, that the trouble is within yourself and
determine to find and eliminate it. This will require
scrupulous honesty and it may also involve the assistance of
personality experts. The so-called "scratchy" elements in
your personality may be qualities which you have taken on
through the years. Perhaps they have been assumed
defensively, or they may be the result of attitudes developed
in your younger days. Regardless of origin they can be
eliminated by a scientific study of yourself and by your
recognition of the necessity for change followed by a process
of personality rehabilitation.
A man came to our clinic at the church seeking help in the
problem of personal relationships. About thirty-five years of
age, he was the type of person whom you would certainly
look at twice if not three times. He was splendidly
proportioned and impressive. Superficially regarding him it
was surprising that people should not like him. But he
proceeded to outline an unhappy and continuous set of
circumstances and instances to illustrate his dismal failure in
human relations.
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"I do my best," he explained. "I have tried to put into practice
the rules I have been taught about getting along with people,
but get nowhere with the effort. People just don't like me and
what is more I am aware of it."
After talking with him it was not difficult to understand the
trouble. There was in his manner of speech a persistently
critical attitude thinly veiled but nonetheless apparent. He
had an unattractive manner of pursing his lips which
indicated a kind of primness or reproof for everybody, as if
he felt just a bit superior and disdainful toward other people.
In fact there was about him a noticeable attitude of
superiority. He was very rigid, with no flexibility of
personality.
"Isn't there some way to change myself so that people will
like me?" he demanded. "Isn't there some way I can stop
unconsciously rubbing people the wrong way?"
The young man was decidedly self-centered and egotistical.
The person he really liked was himself. Every statement,
every attitude was unconsciously measured in terms of how
it reacted on himself. We had to teach him to love other
people and to forget himself, which was of course a complete
reversal of his development. It was vital, however, to the
solution of his problem. I found that this young man was
irritable with people and he picked on them in his own mind,
though no outward conflicts with other persons developed.
Inwardly he was trying to make everybody over to suit
himself. Unconsciously people realized this, though perhaps
they did not define the trouble. Barriers were erected in their
minds toward him.
Since he was being unpleasant to people in his thoughts, it
followed that he was less than warm in his personal attitudes.
He was polite enough and managed not to be boorish and
unpleasant, but people unconsciously felt coolness in him, so
gave him the "brush-off" of which he complained. The
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reason they did so was because in his mind he had "brushed
them off." He liked himself too well, and to build up his self-
esteem he disliked others. He was suffering from self-love, a
chief cure for which is the practice of love for others.
He was bewildered and baffled when we outlined his
difficulty. But he was sincere and meant business. He
practiced the suggested techniques for developing love of
others in place of self-love. It required some fundamental
changes to accomplish this, but he succeeded in doing so.
One method suggested was that at night before retiring he
make a list of persons he had met during the day, as, for
example, the bus driver or the newsboy. He was to picture
mentally each person whose name appeared on the list, and
as he brought each face up before him he was to think a
kindly thought about that person. Then he was to pray for
each one. He was to pray around his little world. Each of us
has his own world, people with whom we do business or are
associated in one way or another.
For example, the first person outside the family whom this
young man saw in the morning was the elevator man in his
apartment house. He had not been in the habit of saying
anything to him beyond a perfunctory and growled good
morning. Now he took the time to have a little chat with the
elevator man. He asked him about his family and about his
interests. He found that the elevator operator had an
interesting point of view and some experiences which were
quite fascinating. He began to see new values in a person
who to him previously had been a mechanical robot, who ran
the elevator up and down to his floor. He actually began to
like the elevator operator and in turn the elevator man, who
had formed a pretty accurate opinion of the young man,
began to revise his views. They established a friendly
relationship. So the process went from person to person.
One day the young man said to me, "I have found that the
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world is filled with interesting people and I never realized it
before."
When he made that observation he proved that he was losing
himself, and when he did that, as the Bible so wisely tells us,
he found himself. In losing himself he found himself and lots
of new friends besides. People learned to like him.
Learning to pray for people was important in his
rehabilitation, for when you pray for anyone you tend to
modify your personal attitude toward him. You lift the
relationship thereby to a higher level. The best in the other
person begins to flow out toward you as your best flows
toward him. In the meeting of the best in each a higher unity
of understanding is established.
Essentially, getting people to like you is merely the other
side of liking them. One of the most popular men who lived
in the United States within the lifetime of most of us was the
late Will Rogers. One of the most characteristic statements
he ever made was, "I never met a man I didn't like." That
may have been a slight exaggeration, but I am sure Will
Rogers did not regard it as such. That is the way he felt about
people, and as a result people opened up to him like flowers
to the sun.
Sometimes the weak objection is offered that it is difficult to
like some people. Granted, some people are by nature more
likable than others, nevertheless a serious attempt to know
any individual will reveal qualities within him that are
admirable, even lovable.
A man had the problem of conquering feelings of irritation
toward persons with whom he was associated. For some
people he had a very profound dislike. They irritated him
intensely, but he conquered these feelings simply by making
an exhaustive list of everything he could possibly admire
about each person who annoyed him. Daily he attempted to
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add to this list. He was surprised to discover that people
whom he thought he did not like at all proved to have many
pleasing qualities. In fact, he was at a loss to understand how
he ever disliked them after becoming conscious of their
attractive qualities. Of course, while he was making these
discoveries about them, they, in turn, were finding new and
likable qualities in him.
If you have gone through life up to this point without having
established satisfactory human relationships, do not assume
that you cannot change, but it will be necessary to take very
definite steps toward solving the problem. You can change
and become a popular person, well liked and esteemed, if
you are willing to make the effort. May I remind you as I
remind myself that one of the greatest tragedies of the
average person is the tendency to spend our whole lives
perfecting our faults? We develop a fault and we nurse it and
cultivate it, and never change it. Like a needle caught in the
groove of a defective record on a gramophone, it plays the
same old tune over and over again. You must lift the needle
out of the groove, then you will have disharmony no longer,
but harmony. Don't spend more of your life perfecting faults
in human relations. Spend the rest of your life perfecting
your great capacities for friendliness, for personal relations
are vitally important to successful living.
Still another important factor in getting people to like you is
to practice building up the ego of other persons. The ego,
being the essence of our personalities, is sacred to us. There
is in every person a normal desire for a feeling of self-
importance. If I deflate your ego and therefore your self-
importance, though you may laugh it off, I have deeply
wounded you. In fact, I have shown disrespect for you, and
while you may exercise charity toward me, even so, unless
you are finely developed spiritually, you are not going to like
me very well.
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On the other hand, if I elevate your self-respect and
contribute to your feeling of personal worth, I am showing
high esteem for your ego. I have helped you to be your best
self and therefore you appreciate what I have done. You are
grateful to me. You like me for it.
The deflation of another person's ego may be mildly done
perhaps, but one can never evaluate how deep the
depreciation goes from even a remark or an attitude that is
not meant to be unkind. Here is the way in which ego is often
deflated.
The next time you are in a group and someone tells a joke
and everybody laughs with appreciation and pleasure except
yourself, when the laughter has died down say patronizingly,
"Well, that is a pretty good joke all right. I saw it in a
magazine last month."
Of course it will make you feel quite important to let others
know of your superior knowledge, but how does it make the
man feel who told the joke? You have robbed him of the
satisfaction of having told a good story. You have crowded
him out of his brief moment in the limelight and usurped
attention to yourself. In fact you have taken the wind out of
his sails and left him flat and deflated. He enjoyed his
momentary little prominence, but you took it away from him.
Nobody in that group is going to like you for what you did,
and certainly not the man whose story you spoiled. Whether
you like the joke or not, let the storyteller and the others
enjoy it. Remember he may be a little bit embarrassed and
shy. It would have done him good to have received a
response. Don't deflate people. Build them up and they will
love you for it.
While writing this chapter I enjoyed a visit with an old and
dear friend, Dr. John W. Hoffman, one-time president of
Ohio Wesleyan University. As I sat with him in Pasadena, I
realized once again how much this great personality has
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always meant to me. Many years ago, on the night before my
graduation from college, we had a banquet at our fraternity
house at which he was present and made a talk. After dinner
he asked me to walk with him to the president's house.
It was a beautiful moonlit night in June. All the way up the
hill he talked to me about life and its opportunities and told
me what a thrill awaited me as I entered the outside world.
As we stood in front of his house he put his hand on my
shoulder and said, "Norman, I have always liked you. I
believe in you. You have great possibilities. I shall always be
proud of you. You have got it in you." Of course he
overestimated me, but that is infinitely better than to
depreciate a person.
It being June and the night before graduation and excitement
being in my heart, my sentiments were pretty close to the
surface, and I said good night to him through a mist of tears
which I tried to conceal. It has been many years since then,
but I never forgot what he said nor how he said it on that
June night long ago. I have loved him all across the years.
I discovered that he made similar statements to many other
boys and girls long since become men and women and they,
too, love him because he respected their personalities and
was constantly building them up. Through the years he
would write to me and to others congratulating us on some
little thing that we had done, and a word of approval from
him meant much. Little wonder this honored guide of youth
has the affection and devotion of thousands of people whose
lives he touched.
Whomever you help to build up and become a better,
stronger, finer person will give you his undying devotion.
Build up as many people as you can. Do it unselfishly. Do it
because you like them and because you see possibilities in
them. Do this and you will never lack for friends. You will
always be well thought of. Build people up and love them
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genuinely. Do them good and their esteem and affection will
flow back toward you.
The basic principles of getting people to like you need no
prolonged and labored emphasis, for they are very simple
and easily illustrate their own truth. However, I list ten
practical rules for getting the esteem of others. The
soundness of these principles has been demonstrated
innumerable times. Practice them until you become expert at
them and people will like you.
1. Learn to remember names. Inefficiency at this point may
indicate that your interest is not sufficiently outgoing. A
man's name is very important to him.
2. Be a comfortable person so there is no strain in being with
you — be an old-shoe, old-hat kind of individual. Be homey.
3. Acquire the quality of relaxed easy-goingness so that
things do not ruffle you.
4. Don't be egotistical. Guard against giving the impression
that you know it all. Be natural and normally humble.
5. Cultivate the quality of being interesting so that people
will want to be with you and get something of stimulating
value from their association with you.
6. Study to get the "scratchy" elements out of your
personality, even those of which you may be unconscious.
7. Sincerely attempt to heal, on an honest Christian basis,
every misunderstanding you have had or now have. Drain off
your grievances.
8. Practice liking people until you learn to do so genuinely.
Remember what Will Rogers said, "I never met a man I
didn't like." Try to be that way.
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9. Never miss an opportunity to say a word of congratulation
upon anyone's achievement, or express sympathy in sorrow
or disappointment.
10. Get a deep spiritual experience so that you have
something to give people that will help them to be stronger
and meet life more effectively. Give strength to people and
they will give affection to you.
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Chapter 16
Prescription for Heartache
"PLEASE GIVE ME a prescription for heartache."
This curious and rather pathetic request was made by a man
who had been informed by his doctor that the feelings of
disability of which he complained were not of a physical
nature. His trouble lay in an inability to rise above sorrow.
He was suffering from "an ache in his personality" as a result
of grief.
His doctor advised him to secure spiritual consultation and
treatment. So continuing to use the terminology of medicine,
he repeated his question, "Is there a spiritual prescription
which will reduce my constant inner suffering? I realize that
sorrow comes to everyone and I should be able to meet it the
same as others. I have tried my best but find no peace."
Again he asked with a sad, slow smile, "Give me a
prescription for heartache."
There is indeed a "prescription" for heartache. One element
in the prescription is physical activity. The sufferer must
avoid the temptation to sit and brood. A sensible program
which substitutes physical activity for such fruitless brooding
reduces the strain on the area of the mind where we reflect,
philosophize, and suffer mental pain. Muscular activity
utilizes another part of the brain and therefore shifts the
strain and gives relief.
An old country lawyer who had a sound philosophy and
much wisdom told a sorrowing woman that the best
medicine for a broken heart is "to take a scrubbing brush and
get down on your knees and go to work. The best medicine
for a man," he declared, "is to get an ax and chop wood until
physically tired." While this is not guaranteed to be a
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complete cure for heartache, yet it does tend to mitigate such
suffering.
Whatever the character of your heartache, one of the first
steps is to resolve to escape from any defeatist situation
which may have been created around yourself, even though it
is difficult to do so, and return once again to the normal
course of your life. Get back into the main stream of life's
activities. Take up your old associations. Form new ones.
Get busy walking, riding, swimming, playing — get the blood
to coursing through your system. Lose yourself in some
worthwhile project. Fill your days with creative activity and
emphasize the physical aspect of activity. Employ healthy
mind- relieving busyness, but be sure that it is of a
worthwhile and constructive nature. Superficial escapism
through feverish activity merely deadens pain temporarily
and does not heal, as, for example, parties and drinking.
An excellent and normal release from heartache is to give
way to grief. There is a foolish point of view current today
that one should not show grief, that it is not proper to cry or
express oneself through the natural mechanism of tears and
sobbing. This is a denial of the law of nature. It is natural to
cry when pain or sorrow comes. It is a relief mechanism
provided in the body by Almighty God and should be used.
To restrain grief, to inhibit it, to bottle it up, is to fail to use
one of God's means for eliminating the pressure of sorrow.
Like every other function of the human body and nervous
system, this must be controlled, but it should not be denied
altogether. A good cry by either man or woman is a release
from heartache. I should warn, however, that this mechanism
should not be used unduly nor allowed to become a habitual
process. Should that happen, it partakes of the nature of
abnormal grief and could become a psychosis. Unrestraint of
any kind should not be allowed.
I receive many letters from people whose loved ones have
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died. They tell me that it is very difficult for them to go to
the same places they were in the habit of frequenting
together or to be with the same people with whom they
associated as a couple or as a family. Therefore they avoid
the old-time places and friends.
I regard this as a serious mistake. A secret of curing
heartache is to be as normal and natural as possible. This
does not imply disloyalty or indifference. This policy is
important in avoiding a state of abnormal grief. Normal
sorrow is a natural process and its normality is evidenced by
the ability of the individual to return to his usual pursuits and
responsibilities and continue therein as formerly.
The deeper remedy for heartache, of course, is the curative
comfort supplied by trust in God.
Inevitably the basic prescription for heartache is to turn to
God in an attitude of faith and empty the mind and heart to
Him. Perseverance in the act of spiritual self-emptying will
finally bring healing to the broken heart. This generation,
which has suffered fully as much if not more heartache than
people in preceding eras, needs to relearn that which the
wisest men of all time have known, namely, that there is no
healing of the pain suffered by humanity except through the
benign ministrations of faith.
One of the greatest souls of the ages was Brother Lawrence,
who said, "If in this life we would know the serene peace of
Paradise, we must school ourselves in familiar, humble, and
loving converse with God." It is not advisable to attempt to
carry the burden of sorrow and mental pain without Divine
help, for its weight is more than the personality can bear. The
simplest and most effective of all prescriptions for heartache
then is to practice the presence of God. This will soothe the
ache in your heart and ultimately heal the wound. Men and
women who have experienced great tragedy tell us that this
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prescription is effective.
Another profoundly curative element in the prescription for
heartache is to gain a sound and satisfying philosophy of life
and death and deathlessness. For my part, when I gained the
unshakable belief that there is no death, that all life is
indivisible, that the here and hereafter are one, that time and
eternity are inseparable, that this is one unobstructed
universe, then I found the most satisfying and convincing
philosophy of my entire life.
These convictions are based upon sound foundations, the
Bible for one. I believe that the Bible gives us a very subtle,
and as will be proved ultimately, a scientific series of
insights into the great question, "What happens when a man
leaves this world?" Also the Bible very wisely tells us that
we know these truths by faith. Henri Bergson, the
philosopher, says that the surest way into truth is by
perception, by intuition, by reasoning to a certain point, then
by taking a "mortal leap," and by intuition attaining the truth.
You come to some glorious moment where you simply
"know." That is the way it happened to me.
I am absolutely, wholeheartedly, and thoroughly convinced
of the truth of which I write and have no doubt of it, even to
an infinitesimal degree. I arrived at this positive faith
gradually, yet there came one moment when I knew.
This philosophy will not ward off the sorrow which comes
when a loved one dies and physical, earthly separation
ensues. But it will lift and dissipate grief. It will fill your
mind with a deep understanding of the meaning of this
inevitable circumstance. And it will give you a deep
assurance that you have not lost your loved one. Live on this
faith and you will be at peace and the ache will leave your
heart.
Take into your mind and heart one of the most marvelous
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texts in the Holy Bible — "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard,
neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which
God hath prepared for them that love Him." (I Corinthians
2 : 9 )
This means that you have never seen, no matter what you
have seen, however wonderful it is, you have never seen
anything to compare with the marvelous things that God has
prepared for those who love Him and who put their trust in
Him. Moreover, it says that you have never heard anything to
compare with the astonishing marvels that God has laid up
for those who follow His teachings and live according to His
spirit. Not only have you never seen nor ever heard but you
have never even dimly imagined what He is going to do for
you. This sentence goes all out in promising comfort and
immortality and reunion and every good thing to those who
center their lives in God.
After many years of reading the Bible and being intimately
connected with all the phases of the lives of hundreds of
people, I wish to state unequivocally that I have found this
Biblical promise to be absolutely true. It applies even to this
world. People who really practice living on a Christlike basis
have the most incredible things happen to them.
This passage also relates to the state of existence of those
now living on the other side and our relationship, while we
live, to those who have preceded us across that barrier which
we call death. I use the word "barrier" somewhat
apologetically. We have always thought of death as a barrier
with a concept of a separatist nature.
Scientists working today in the field of parapsychology and
extra-sensory perception and experimenting in precognition,
telepathy, clairvoyance (all of which were formerly
considered paraphernalia of the cranks, but which are now of
sound, scientific usage in the laboratories), are expressing
themselves as believing that the soul survives the barrier of
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time and space. In effect, we are on the edge of one of the
greatest scientific discoveries in history which will
substantiate, on a laboratory-exploratory basis, the existence
of the soul and its deathlessness.
For many years I have been accumulating a series of
incidents, the validity of which I accept and which bear out
the conviction that we live in a dynamic universe where life,
not death, is the basic principle. I have confidence in the
people who have described the following experiences and am
convinced that they indicate a world impinged upon or
intertwined with our own through the meshes of which
human spirits, on both sides of death, live in unbroken
fellowship. The conditions of life on the other side, as we
know them in mortality, are modified. Undoubtedly those
who have crossed to the other side dwell in a higher medium
than we do and their understanding is amplified beyond ours,
yet all the facts point to the continued existence of our loved
ones and the further fact that they are not far away, and still
another fact implied, but no less real, that we shall be
reunited with them. Meanwhile, we continue in fellowship
with those who dwell in the spirit world.
William James, one of America's greatest scholars, after a
lifetime of study said he was satisfied that the human brain is
only a medium for the soul's existence and that the mind as
now constituted will be exchanged at last for a brain that will
allow the owner to reach out into untapped areas of
understanding. As our spiritual being is amplified here on
earth and as we grow in age and experience we become more
conscious of this vaster world all around us, and when we die
it is only to enter into an enlarged capacity.
Euripides, one of the greatest thinkers of antiquity, was
convinced that the next life would be of infinitely greater
magnitude. Socrates shared the same concept. One of the
most comforting statements ever made was his remark, "No
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evil can befall a good man in this life or in the next."
Natalie Kalmus, scientific expert in technicolor, tells about
the death of her sister. The following account given by this
scientifically trained woman appeared in the inspirational
magazine Guicleposts.
Natalie Kalmus quotes her dying sister as saying, " 'Natalie,
promise me that you won't let them give me any drugs. I
realize that they are trying to help relieve my pain, but I want
to be fully aware of every sensation. I am convinced that
death will be a beautiful experience.'
"I promised. Alone, later, I wept, thinking of her courage.
Then as I tossed in bed on through the night, I realized that
what I thought to be a calamity my sister intended to be a
triumph.
"Ten days later the final hour drew near. I had been at her
bedside for hours. We had talked about many things, and
always I marveled at her quiet, sincere confidence in eternal
life. Not once did the physical torture overcome her spiritual
strength. This was something that the doctors simply hadn't
taken into account.
"'Dear kind God, keep my mind clear and give me peace,' she
had murmured over and over again during those last days.
"We had talked so long that I noticed she was drifting off to
to sleep. I left her quietly with the nurse and retired to get
some rest. A few minutes later I heard my sister's voice
calling for me. Quickly I returned to her room. She was
dying.
"I sat on her bed and took her hand. It was on fire. Then she
seemed to rise up in bed almost to a sitting position.
" 'Natalie,' she said, 'there are so many of them. There's
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Fred... and Ruth. ..what's she doing here? Oh, I know!'
"An electric shock went through me. She had said Ruth.
Ruth was her cousin who had died suddenly the week before.
But Eleanor had not been told of Ruth's sudden death.
"Chill after chill shot up and down my spine. I felt on the
verge of some powerful, almost frightening knowledge. She
had murmured Ruth's name.
"Her voice was surprisingly clear. 'It's so confusing. So many
of them!' Suddenly her arms stretched out as happily as when
she had welcomed me! 'I'm going up,' she said.
"Then she dropped her arms around my neck — and relaxed
in my arms. The will of her spirit had turned final agony into
rapture.
"As I laid her head back on the pillow, there was a warm,
peaceful smile on her face. Her golden-brown hair lay
carelessly on the pillow. I took a white flower from the vase
and placed it in her hair. With her petite, trim figure, her
wavy hair, the white flower, and the soft smile, she looked
once more — and permanently — just like a schoolgirl."
The mention of her cousin Ruth by the dying girl and the
evident fact that she saw her clearly is a phenomenon that
recurs again and again in the incidents which have come to
my attention. So repetitive is this phenomenon and so similar
are the characteristics of this experience as described by
many that it amounts to a substantial evidence that the people
whose names are called, whose faces are seen, are actually
present.
Where are they? What is their condition? What sort of body
have they? These are questions that are difficult. The idea of
a different dimension is probably the most tenable, or it may
be more accurate to believe that they live in a different
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frequency cycle.
It is impossible to see through the blades of an electric fan
when it is in a stationary position. At high speed, however,
the blades appear to be transparent. In the higher frequency
or the state in which our loved ones dwell, the impenetrable
qualities of the universe may open to the gaze of one passing
into the mysteries. In deep moments of our own lives it is
entirely possible that we enter to a degree at least into that
higher frequency. In one of the most beautiful lines in
English literature, Robert Ingersoll suggests this great truth,
"In the night of death, hope sees a star and listening love can
hear the rustle of a wing."
A famous neurologist tells of a man who was at death's door.
The dying man looked up at the physician sitting beside his
bed and began to call off names which the physician wrote
down. The doctor was personally unfamiliar with any name
mentioned. Later the physician asked the man's daughter,
"Who are these people? Your father spoke of them as if he
saw them."
"They are all relatives," she said, "who have been dead a
long time."
The physician said he believes his patient did see them.
Friends of mine, Mr. and Mrs. William Sage, lived in New
Jersey and I was often in their home. Mr. Sage, whom his
wife called Will, died first. A few years later, when Mrs.
Sage was on her deathbed, the most surprised look passed
across her face, and it lighted up in a wonderful smile as she
said, "Why, it is Will." That she saw him those about her bed
had no doubt whatsoever.
Arthur Godfrey, famous radio personality, tells of being
asleep in his bunk on a destroyer in World War I. Suddenly
his father stood beside him. He put out his hand, smiled, and
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said, "So long, son," and Godfrey answered, "So long, Dad."
Later he was awakened and given a cablegram telling him of
the death of his father. The time of his passing was given,
and it was the precise period during which Godfrey in his
sleep "saw" his father.
Mary Margaret McBride, also a famous radio personality,
was overwhelmed with grief upon the death of her mother.
They had been very close to each other. She awakened one
night and sat on the edge of her bed. Suddenly she had the
feeling, to use her own words, that "Mama was with me."
She did not see her mother nor hear her speak, but from that
time on, "I knew that my mother isn't dead — that she is near
by."
The late Rufus Jones, one of the most famous spiritual
leaders of our time, tells about his son Lowell who died at
twelve years of age. He was the apple of his father's eye. The
boy took sick when Dr. Jones was on the ocean bound for
Europe. The night before entering Liverpool, while lying in
his bunk, he experienced an indefinable, inexplainable
feeling of sadness. Then he said that he seemed to be
enveloped in the arms of God. A great feeling of peace and a
sense of a profound possession of his son came to him.
Upon landing in Liverpool he was advised that his son had
died, his death occurring at the precise hour when Dr. Jones
had felt a sense of God's presence and the everlasting
nearness of his son.
A member of my church, Mrs. Bryson Kalt, tells of an aunt
whose husband and three children were burned to death
when their house was destroyed by fire. The aunt was badly
burned but lived for three years. When finally she lay dying a
radiance suddenly came over her face. "It is all so beautiful,"
she said. "They are coming to meet me. Fluff up my pillows
and let me go to sleep."
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Mr. H. B. Clarke, an old friend of mine, was for many years
a construction engineer, his work taking him into all parts of
the world. He was of a scientific turn of mind, a quite
restrained, factual, unemotional type of man. I was called
one night by his physician, who said that he did not expect
him to live but a few hours. His heart action was slow and
the blood pressure was extraordinarily low. There was no
reflex action at all. The doctor gave no hope.
I began to pray for him, as did others. The next day his eyes
opened and after a few days he recovered his speech. His
heart action and blood pressure returned to normal. After he
recovered strength he said, "At some time during my illness
something very peculiar happened to me. I cannot explain it.
It seemed that I was a long distance away. I was in the most
beautiful and attractive place I have ever seen. There were
lights all about me, beautiful lights. I saw faces dimly
revealed, kind faces they were, and I felt very peaceful and
happy. In fact, I have never felt happier in my life.
"Then the thought came to me, 'I must be dying.' Then it
occurred to me, 'Perhaps I have died.' Then I almost laughed
out loud, and asked myself, 'Why have I been afraid of death
all my life? There is nothing to be afraid of in this.' "
"How did you feel about it?" I asked. "Did you want to come
back to life? Did you want to live, for you were not dead,
although the doctor felt that you were very close to death.
Did you want to live?"
He smiled and said, "It did not make the slightest difference.
If anything, I think I would have preferred to stay in that
beautiful place."
Hallucination, a dream, a vision — I do not believe so. I have
spent too many years talking to people who have come to the
edge of "something" and had a look across, who
unanimously have reported beauty, light, and peace, to have
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any doubt in my own mind.
The New Testament teaches the indestructibility of life in a
most interesting and simple manner. It describes Jesus after
His crucifixion in a series of appearances, disappearances,
and reappearances. Some saw Him and then He vanished out
of their sight. Then others saw Him and again He vanished.
It is as if to say, "You see me and then you do not see me."
This indicates that He is trying to tell us that when we do not
see Him, it does not mean He is not there. Out of sight does
not mean out of life.
Occasional mystical appearances which some experience
indicate the same truth, that He is near by. Did He not say,
"...because I live, ye shall live also." (John 14:19) In other
words, our loved ones who have died in this faith are also
near by and occasionally draw near to comfort us.
A boy serving in Korea wrote to his mother, saying, "The
strangest things happen to me. Once in a while at night,
when I am afraid, Daddy seems to be with me." Daddy had
been dead for ten years. Then the boy wistfully asks his
mother, "Do you think that Daddy can actually be with me
here on these Korean battlefields?" The answer is, "Why
not?" How can we be citizens of a scientific generation and
not believe that this could be true? Again and again proofs
are offered that this is a dynamic universe, surcharged with
mystic, electric, electronic, atomic forces, and all are so
wonderful that we have never yet comprehended them. This
universe is a great spiritual sounding house, alive and vital.
Albert E. Cliff, well-known Canadian writer, tells of the
death of his father. The dying man had sunk into a coma and
it was thought he was gone. Then a momentary resurgence of
life occurred. His eyes flickered open. On the wall was one
of those old-time mottoes which said, "I Know That My
Redeemer Liveth." The dying man opened his eyes, looked
at that motto, and said, "I do know that my Redeemer liveth.
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for they are all here around me — mother, father, brothers,
and sisters." Long gone from this earth were they all, but
evidently he saw them. Who is to gainsay?
The late Mrs. Thomas A. Edison told me that when her
famous husband was dying he whispered to his physician, "It
is beautiful over there." Edison was the world's greatest
scientist. All his life he had worked with phenomena. He was
of a factual cast of mind. He never reported anything as a
fact until he saw it work. He would never have reported, "It
is very beautiful over there" unless, having seen, he knew it
to be true.
Many years ago a missionary went to the South Sea Islands
to work among a cannibal tribe. After many months he
converted the chief to Christianity. One day this old chief
said to the missionary, "Remember the time you first came
among us?"
"Indeed I do," replied the missionary. "As I went through the
forest I became aware of hostile forces all around me."
"They did indeed surround you," said the chief, "for we were
following you to kill you, but something prevented us from
doing it."
"And what was that?" asked the missionary.
"Now that we are friends, tell me," coaxed the chief, "who
were those two shining ones walking on either side of you?"
My friend, Geoffrey O'Hara, famous song writer, author of
the popular World War I song, "Katy," also "There Is No
Death," "Give a Man a Horse He Can Ride," and other songs,
tells of a colonel in World War I whose regiment was wiped
out in a bloody engagement. As he paced up and down the
trench he says he could feel their hands and sense their
presence. He said to Geoffrey O'Hara, "I tell you, there is no
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death." Mr. O'Hara wrote one of his greatest songs using that
title, "there is no death."
Of these deep and tender matters I personally have no doubt
whatsoever. I firmly believe in the continuation of life after
that which we call death takes place. I believe there are two
sides to the phenomenon known as death — this side where
we now live and the other side where we shall continue to
live. Eternity does not start with death. We are in eternity
now. We are citizens of eternity. We merely change the form
of the experience called life, and that change, I am
persuaded, is for the better.
My mother was a great soul, and her influence on me will
ever stand out in my life as an experience that cannot be
surpassed. She was a wonderful conversationalist. Her mind
was keen and alert. She traveled the world over and enjoyed
wide contacts as a Christian leader in missionary causes. Her
life was full and rich. She had a marvelous sense of humor.
She was good company, and I always loved to be with her.
She was considered by all who knew her an unusually
fascinating and stimulating personality.
During my adult years whenever I had the opportunity I
would go home to see her. I always anticipated the arrival at
the family home, for it was an exciting experience in which
everyone talked at once as we sat around the breakfast table.
What happy reunions — what glorious meetings. Then came
her death, and we tenderly laid her body in the beautiful little
cemetery at Lynchburg in southern Ohio, a town where she
had lived as a girl. I was very sad the day we left her there,
and went away heavy-hearted. It was in the fullness of
summertime when we took her home to her last resting
place.
It came autumn, and I felt that I wanted to be with my
mother again. I was lonely without her, therefore I decided to
go to Lynchburg. All night long on the train I thought sadly
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of the happy days now gone and how things were utterly
changed and would never be the same again.
So I came to the little town. The weather was cold and the
sky overcast as I walked to the cemetery. I pushed through
the old iron gates and my feet rustled in the leaves as I
walked to her grave where I sat sad and lonely. Of a sudden
the clouds parted and the sun came through. It lighted up the
Ohio hills in gorgeous autumn colors, the hills where I grew
up as a boy, which I have always loved so well, where she
herself had played as a girl in the long ago.
Then all of a sudden I seemed to hear her voice. Now I didn't
actually hear her voice, but I seemed to. I am sure I heard it
by the inward ear. The message was clear and distinct. It was
stated in her beloved old-time tone, and this is what she said,
"Why seek ye the living among the dead? I am not here. Do
you think that I would stay in this dark and dismal place? I
am with you and my loved ones always." In a burst of inner
light I became wondrously happy. I knew that what I had
heard was the truth. The message came to me with all the
force of actuality. I could have shouted, and I stood up and
put my hand on the tombstone and saw it for what it is, only
a place where mortal remains lay. The body was there, to be
sure, but it was only a coat that had been laid off because the
wearer needed it no longer. But she, that gloriously lovely
spirit, she was not there.
I walked out of that place and only rarely since have I
returned. I like to go back there and think of her and the old
days of my youth, but no longer is it a place of gloom. It is
merely a symbol, for she is not there. She is with us her
loved ones. "Why seek ye the living among the dead?" (Luke
24 : 5 )
Read and believe the Bible as it tells about the goodness of
God and the immortality of the soul. Pray sincerely and with
faith. Make prayer and faith the habit of your life. Learn to
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have real fellowship with God and with Jesus Christ. As you
do this you will find a deep conviction welling up in your
mind that these wonderful things are true indeed.
"...if it were not so, I would have told you." (John 14:2) You
can depend upon the reliability of Christ. He would not let
you believe and hold convictions so sacred in nature unless
they are absolutely true.
So in this faith, which is a sound, substantial, and rational
view of life and eternity, you have the prescription for
heartache.
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Chapter 17
How to Draw upon That Higher Power
FOUR MEN WERE sitting in the locker room of a country
club after a game. Talk about golf scores drifted into a
discussion of personal difficulties and problems. One man
was especially despondent. The others, his friends, realizing
his unhappy state of mind, had arranged this game to get his
mind off his difficult situation. They hoped a few hours on
the golf course might afford him some relief.
Now, as they sat around after the game, various suggestions
were offered him. Finally one of the men arose to go. He
knew about difficulties, for he'd had plenty himself, but he
had found some vital answers to his problems. He stood
hesitantly, then laid his hand on his friend's shoulder.
"George," he said, "I hope you won't think I am preaching at
you. Really, I'm not, but I would like to suggest something.
It's the way I got through my difficulties. It really works if
you work at it, and it's this. 'Why not draw upon that Higher
Power?' "
He slapped his friend affectionately on the back and left the
group. The other men sat mulling this over. Finally the
discouraged man said slowly, "I know what he means and I
know where the Higher Power is. I only wish I knew how to
draw upon it. It's what I need all right."
Well, in due course he discovered how to draw upon that
Higher Power, and it changed everything for him. Now he is
a healthy, happy man.
The advice given at the golf club is really very wise. There
are many people today who are unhappy and depressed and
just not getting anywhere with themselves or with
conditions. And they do not need to be that way. Really they
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don't. The secret is to draw upon that Higher Power. And
how is that done?
Let me tell you about a personal experience. When quite
young I was called to a large church in a university
community and many of my congregation were professors in
the university as well as leading citizens of the city. I wanted
to justify the confidence of those who gave me such an
outstanding opportunity and accordingly worked very hard.
As a result I began to experience overstrain. Everyone should
work hard, but there is no virtue in overtrying or
overpressing to such an extent that you do not work
efficiently. It is somewhat like making a golf shot. Try to
"kill" the ball and you execute the shot poorly. You can do
likewise in your job. I began to get rather tired and nervous
and had no feeling of normal power.
One day I decided to call on one of the professors, the late
Hugh M. Tilroe, a great friend of mine. He was a wonderful
teacher, and he was also a great fisherman and hunter. He
was a man's man, an outdoor personality. I knew that if I did
not find him at the university he would be out on the lake
fishing, and sure enough there he was. He came ashore at my
hail. "The fish are biting — come on," he said. I climbed in
his boat and we fished awhile.
"What's the matter, son?" he asked with understanding. I told
him how hard I was trying and that it was getting me down
nervously. "I have no feeling of lift or power," I said.
He chuckled. "Maybe you're trying too hard."
As the boat scraped the shore he said, "Come in the house
with me." As we entered his cabin he ordered, "Lie down
there on that couch. I want to read you something. Shut your
eyes and relax while I find the quotation."
I did as directed, and thought he was going to read me some
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philosophical or perhaps diverting piece, but instead he said,
"Here it is. Listen quietly while I read it to you. And let these
words sink in. 'Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard,
that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of
the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? There is no
searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint;
and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even
the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall
utterly fall. But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew
their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they
shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not
faint.'" (Isaiah 40:28-31) Then he asked, "Do you know from
what I am reading?"
"Yes, the fortieth chapter of Isaiah," I answered.
"I'm glad you know your Bible," he commented. "Why don't
you practice it? Now relax. Take three deep breaths — in and
out slowly. Practice resting yourself in God. Practice
depending upon Him for His support and power. Believe He
is giving it to you now and don't get out of touch with that
power. Yield yourself to it — let it flow through you.
"Give your job all you've got. Of course you must do that.
But do it in a relaxed and easy manner like a batter in a big-
league ball game. He swings the bat easy-like, and doesn't try
to knock the ball out of the park. He just does the best he can
and believes in himself because he knows that he has lots of
reserve power." Then he repeated the passage again. " 'They
that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.' "
That was a long time ago, but I never forgot that lesson. He
taught me how to draw upon that Higher Power, and believe
me, his suggestions worked. I continue to follow my friend's
advice, and it has never failed me in the more than twenty
years that have passed since then. My life is crowded with
activity but that power formula gives me all the strength I
need.
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A second method for drawing upon that Higher Power is to
learn to take a positive, optimistic attitude toward every
problem. In direct proportion to the intensity of the faith
which you muster will you receive power to meet your
situations. "According to your faith be it unto
you," (Matthew 9:29) is a basic law of successful living.
There is a Higher Power, and that Power can do everything
for you. Draw upon it and experience its great helpfulness.
Why be defeated when you are free to draw upon that Higher
Power? State your problem. Ask for a specific answer.
Believe that you are getting that answer. Believe that now,
through God's help, you are gaining power over your
difficulty.
A man and his wife who were in real trouble came to see me.
This gentleman, a former magazine editor, was a
distinguished figure in music and artistic circles. Everyone
liked him for his geniality and friendliness. His wife was
held in similar high regard.
She was in poor health and as a result they had retired to the
country where they were living in semi-seclusion.
This man told me he had experienced two heart attacks, one
quite severe. His wife was in a steady decline and he was
deeply concerned about her. The question he put was this:
"Can I get hold of some power that can help us recover
ourselves physically and give us new hope and courage and
strength?" The situation as he described it was a series of
discouragements and defeats.
Frankly I felt that he was a bit too sophisticated to permit
himself to adopt and utilize the simple trust that would be
necessary if faith were to rehabilitate him. I told him I rather
doubted he had the capacity to practice simple faith enough
to open the sources of power according to the techniques of
Christianity.
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But he assured me he was in earnest and was open-minded
and would follow any directions given. I saw his honesty and
the real quality of his soul and have had a great affection for
him ever since. I gave him a simple prescription. He was to
read the New Testament and the Psalms until his mind was
saturated with them. I gave him the usual suggestion of
committing passages to memory. Principally I urged him to
utilize the formula of putting his life in the hands of God, at
the same time believing that God was filling him with power,
and his wife also, and that the two of them were to believe
unfalteringly that they were being guided in even the most
commonplace details of their lives.
They were also to believe that in co-operation with their
physician, whom I happened to know and admire, that the
healing grace of Jesus Christ was being given them. I
suggested that they picture the healing power of the Great
Physician as already working within them.
Seldom have I seen two people who became more gloriously
childlike in their faith and whose trust was more complete.
They became enthusiastic about the Bible and would often
telephone me about "some wonderful passage" they had just
found. They gave me fresh insights into the truths of the
Bible. It was a truly creative process working with this man
and his wife.
The next spring Helen (that is the wife's name) said, "I have
never experienced a more wonderful springtime. The flowers
this year are the loveliest I have ever seen, and have you
noticed the sky with its extraordinary cloud formations and
the delicate colors at dawn and sunset? The leaves seem
greener this year, and I have never heard the birds sing with
such ecstasy and melody." When she said this there was an
ecstatic light on her face and I knew she had been reborn in
the spirit. And she began to improve physically, regaining a
large share of her old-time strength. Her native creative
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power began to flow forth once again and life took on new
meaning.
As for Horace, there has been no more heart trouble, and
physical, mental, and spiritual vigor mark him as
extraordinarily vital. They have moved into a new
community and have become a center of its life. Wherever
they go they touch people with a strange uplifting force.
What is the secret which they discovered? Simply that they
learned to draw upon that Higher Power.
This Higher Power is one of the most amazing facts in
human existence. I am awestruck, no matter how many times
I have seen the phenomenon, by the thorough-going,
tremendous, overwhelming changes for good that it
accomplishes in the lives of people. Personally, I am so
enthusiastic about all that the Higher Power can do for
people that I am loath to bring this book to a close. I could
recite story after story, incident after incident of those who
by laying hold of this power have had a new birth of life.
This power is constantly available. If you open to it, it will
rush in like a mighty tide. It is there for anybody under any
circumstances or in any condition. This tremendous inflow
of power is of such force that in its inrush it drives
everything before it, casting out fear, hate, sickness,
weakness, moral defeat, scattering them as though they had
never touched you, refreshing and restrengthening your life
with health, happiness, and goodness.
For many years I have been interested in the problem of the
alcoholic and in the organization known as Alcoholics
Anonymous. One of their basic principles is that before a
person can be helped he must recognize that he is an
alcoholic and that of himself he can do nothing; that he has
no power within himself; that he is defeated. When he
accepts this point of view he is in a position to receive help
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from other alcoholics and from the Higher Power — God.
Another principle is the willingness to depend upon the
Higher Power from whom he derives a strength which he
does not himself possess. The working of this power in men's
lives is the most moving and thrilling fact in this world. No
other manifestation of power of any kind is equal to it.
Materialistic power achievement is a romantic story. Men
discover laws and formulas and harness power to do
remarkable things. Spiritual power also follows laws.
Mastery of these laws works wonders in an area more
complicated than any form of mechanics, namely, human
nature. It is one thing to make a machine work right. To
make human nature work right is something else. It requires
greater skill, but it can be done.
I sat one day under swaying palm trees in Florida listening to
the story of a demonstration of Higher Power activity in the
life of a man who narrowly escaped tragedy. He told me that
he started drinking at the age of sixteen, "as it was the so-
called smart thing to do." After twenty-three years,
beginning as a social drinker, he "came to the end of the road
on April 24, 1947." A growing hatred and bitterness toward
his wife who had deserted him and toward his mother-in-law
and sister-in-law culminated in his decision to kill these three
women. I relate the story as he told it to me, in his own
language.
"To strengthen myself for this gory task I went into a bar. A
few more drinks would give me the courage to commit this
triple murder. As I entered the bar I saw a young man by the
name of Carl drinking coffee. Although I had hated Carl
from boyhood I was utterly astounded to note his immaculate
appearance, and I was also astonished to see him drinking
coffee in a bar where he had spent on an average of $400 a
month for drinks alone. Also I was mystified by what
seemed a strange light on his face. Being fascinated by his
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appearance, I approached Carl and asked, 'What happened to
you that you are drinking coffee?'
"'I have not had a drink for a year,' Carl replied.
"I was utterly amazed, because Carl and I had been on many
drinking bouts together. A strange incident in this affair is
that even though I hated Carl I was strangely moved. I could
not help but listen when he asked, 'Ed, did you ever want to
quit drinking?'
"'Yes, I have quit a thousand times,' I replied.
"Carl smiled and said, 'If you really want to do something
about your problem, get sober and attend a meeting at the
Presbyterian Church at nine on Saturday. It is a meeting of
Alcoholics Anonymous.'
"I told him I had no interest in religion, but that maybe I
would come. I was unimpressed, but still I could not get that
light in his eyes out of my mind.
"Carl did not insist that I attend the meeting, but repeated
that if I wanted to do something for myself he and his
associates had an answer to my problem. After making that
statement Carl left and I stood up to the bar to order a drink,
but somehow it had lost its appeal. So, instead, I went home,
the only home I had remaining, my mother's home.
"May I explain that I had been married for seventeen years to
a very fine girl, but being an impatient person and having no
faith in me due to my drinking, she finally decided upon
getting a divorce, so not only my job and all my material
assets but my home also were completely lost.
"Upon getting to my mother's home I wrestled with a bottle
until 6 A.M., but still could not take the drink. I kept thinking
of Carl's appearance. So on Saturday morning I went to Carl
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and asked him what I could do to keep from taking a drink
until nine o'clock that night when the meeting would be held.
"Carl said, 'Every time you come to a bar or whisky sign or
beer garden, just say one little prayer — "Please, God, get me
past this place,'" and then he added, 'Run like hell. That will
be cooperating with God. He will hear your prayer and the
running will be your part.'
"I did exactly as Carl told me to do. For many hours, anxious
and shaky, accompanied by my sister, I walked around the
streets of the town. Finally at eight o'clock my sister said,
'Ed, there are seven drinking joints between here and the
place where you are to attend the meeting. You go by
yourself, and if you don't make it and come home drunk we
will still love you and hope for the best, but somehow I feel
that this meeting will be different than any you ever
attended. 1 With God's help I got by those seven places.
"At the church entrance I happened to look around and the
sign over one of my favorite drinking places glared me
straight in the eyes. The battle to decide whether to go into
that bar or into the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is one I
shall never forget, but a Power greater than myself pulled me
to the meeting.
"Upon entering the meeting room I was utterly astounded to
receive the firm handshake of my ex-hated friend, Carl. My
resentment toward him was disappearing. A round of
introductions began to many men in all walks of life —
doctors, lawyers, bricklayers, millwrights, coal miners,
construction workers, plasterers, laborers — all types were
there. I had been drinking with some of these men for the last
ten to twenty-five years and here they were all sober on a
Saturday night, and, above all, they were happy.
"What happened at that meeting is rather vague. All I know
is that a rebirth had taken place. I felt different deep within.
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"Happily leaving the meeting room at midnight, I went home
with a glorious air-lifting feeling and slept peaceably for the
first time in more than five years. Upon awakening the next
morning, I recall something clearly saying to me, 'There is a
Power greater than yourself. If you will turn your will and
your life over to the care of God as you understand Him, He
will give you strength.'
"It was Sunday morning, and I decided to go to church. I
attended a service where the preacher was a man whom I had
hated from childhood. (The author wishes to comment at this
point how inevitably hate is associated with emotional and
spiritual sickness. When the mind is emptied of hate, a long
step has been taken toward recovery. Love is a tremendous
curative force.) This preacher was one of those sedate,
swallowtailed-coat-wearing Presbyterian ministers. I had no
use for him, but that was my fault. He was all right really. I
sat nervously through the singing and the collection taking.
Then the preacher read his Scripture, and his sermon was
based upon the theme, 'Never belittle anyone's experience —
he had it.' I shall never forget that sermon as long as I live. It
taught me a valuable lesson — never to belittle an experience
because someone had it, for he and God know the depth and
sincerity of that experience.
"Later I came to love this minister as one of the greatest,
most sincere men I have ever known.
"Just where my new life began is a matter that is difficult to
determine. Whether it was when I met Carl in the bar, or
wrestling past the drinking places, or at the Alcoholics
Anonymous meeting, or at the church, I do not know. But I,
who had been a hopeless alcoholic for twenty-five years,
suddenly became a sober man. I could never have done this
alone, for I had tried it a thousand times and failed. But I
drew upon a Higher Power and the Higher Power, which is
God, did it."
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I have known the narrator of the foregoing story for several
years. Since becoming "dry" he has had to face some
difficult financial and other problems. But never once has he
weakened. In talking with him I find myself strangely
moved. It isn't what he says or even the way he says it, but
one is conscious of a power emanating from this man. He is
not a famous person. He is an everyday, hard-working
salesman, but the Higher Power is in him, flowing through
him, operating within his experience, and it transmits itself to
others. It transmitted itself to me.
This chapter is not intended as a dissertation on alcoholism,
although I will use still another reference in connection with
this problem. I cite these experiences to show conclusively
that if there is a Power able to deliver a person from
alcoholism, this same Power can help any other person to
overcome any other form of defeat he may face. There is
nothing more difficult to overcome than the problem of
alcoholism. The Power that can accomplish that difficult feat
can, I assure you, help you to overcome your difficulties
whatever they may be.
Let me give still another experience. I narrate this incident
for the same purpose, namely, to emphasize that there is a
Power which can be applied, drawn upon, and used that
mysteriously but surely gives to people who demonstrate
faith the most remarkable victories.
In the Hotel Roanoke at Roanoke, Virginia, one night a man
who has since become a good friend told me the following
story. Two years before he had read my book, A Guide to
Confident Living. At that time he was considered by himself
and by others to be an utterly hopeless alcoholic. He is a
businessman in a Virginia town and is of such ability that
despite his drinking problem he was able to keep going with
fair success. He had absolutely no control over his drinking,
however, and evident deterioration was taking place.
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Upon reading the book above mentioned, the idea was
lodged in his mind that if he could only get to New York he
could be cured of his difficulty. He came to New York but
was dead drunk when he arrived. A friend took him to a
hotel and left him. He recovered sufficient consciousness to
call a bellboy and told him that he wanted to go to the
Townes Hospital, a famous institution for alcoholics,
presided over by the late Dr. Silkworth, one of the greatest
men in the field of alcoholism — now deceased but never to
be forgotten.
After robbing him of one hundred or more dollars which he
had in his pocket, the bellboy delivered him to the hospital.
After several days of treatment, Dr. Silkworth came in to see
him and said, "Charles, I think we have done for you all that
we can do. I have a feeling that you are well."
This was not Dr. Silkworth's usual practice, and the fact that
he handled this case in this manner causes one to sense the
guiding hand of a Higher Power.
Still somewhat shaky, Charles made his way downtown until
he found himself outside the office door of the Marble
Collegiate Church, 1 West 29th Street, New York City. It
happened to be a legal holiday and the church was closed.
(Other than such holidays the church is always open.) He
stood there hesitantly. He had hoped that he might go into
the church and pray. Not being able to gain entrance, he did a
strange thing. He took from his wallet one of his business
cards and dropped it through the mail slot in the door.
The instant he did that a tremendous wave of peace came
over him. He had an amazing sense of release. He put his
head against the door and sobbed l ik e a baby, but he knew
that he was free, that some tremendous change had happened
to him the validity of which is attested by the fact that from
that minute on there has been no turning back. He has lived
in complete sobriety from that moment.
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There are several features about this incident which mark it
as impressive. For one, Dr. Silkworth seemed to have
released him from the hospital at the proper psychological,
spiritual, and shall we say supernatural moment, indicating
that the doctor himself was the subject of Divine guidance.
When Charles told me this story in the Hotel Roanoke two
years after it happened, I had a feeling as he related it that I
had heard it before in precise detail. But he had never told
me this story. In fact, I had never previously talked to him. It
occurred to me that perhaps he had written the story to me
and I had read it, but he said he had never written me. I then
asked him if he had told the story to one of my secretaries,
associates, or any other person who could have related it to
me, but he said he had never told the story to any other
individual save his wife and I had not met her until that
night. Apparently this incident had been transmitted to my
subconscious at the time it happened for now I
"remembered" it.
Why did he drop the card in the mail slot? Perhaps he was
symbolically reporting to his spiritual home, reporting to
God. It was a dramatic and symbolic separation of himself
from his defeat and the turning to a Higher Power which
immediately took him out of himself and healed him.
The incident indicates that if there is deep desire, intensity of
longing, and a sincere reaching out after the Power that it
will be given.
In this chapter I have related victory stories out of human
experience each in its own way indicating the continual
presence and availability of a life-renewing Power, beyond
but resident within ourselves. Your problem may not be
alcoholism, but the tact that the Higher Power can heal a
person of this most difficult malady emphasizes the
tremendous truth related in this chapter and throughout the
entire book that there is no problem, difficulty, or defeat that
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you cannot solve or overcome by faith, positive thinking, and
prayer to God. The techniques are simple and workable. And
God will help you always, just as the writer of the following
letter was helped.
"Dear Dr. Peale: When we think of all the wonderful things
that have happened to us since we first met you and started
coming to the Marble Church, it seems nothing short of a
miracle. When you realize that just six years ago this month I
was totally broke — in fact thousands of dollars in debt — a
complete physical washout — and had hardly a friend in the
world because of my excess drinking — you can see why we
have to pinch ourselves every now and then to realize that
our good fortune isn't all a dream.
"As you well know, alcohol wasn't the only problem I had
six years ago. It has been said that I was one of the most
negative people you ever saw. That's only a half truth. For I
was filled with gripes, all sorts of irritation, and was one of
the most supercritical, impatient, cocky individuals that you
could have possibly met even in all your travels.
"Now, please don't think I feel I have overcome all these
obsessions. I haven't. I am one of those people that have to
do a day-to-day job on myself. But gradually, by trying to
follow your teachings, I am learning to control myself and be
less critical of my fellow man. And it is like being released
from a prison. I just never dreamed that life could be so full
and wonderful. Sincerely, (Signed) Dick."
Why not draw upon that Higher Power?
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Epilogue
YOU HAVE FINISHED this book. What have you read?
Simply a series of practical and workable techniques for
living a successful life. You have read a formula of belief
and practice which should help you win victory over every
defeat.
Examples have been given of people who have believed and
who have applied the suggested techniques. These stories
have been told to demonstrate that through the same methods
you can obtain the same results as they did. But reading is
not enough. Now please go back and persistently practice
each technique given in this book. Keep at it until you obtain
the desired results.
I wrote this book out of a sincere desire to help you. It will
give me great happiness to know that the book has helped
you. I have absolute confidence and belief in the principles
and methods outlined in this volume. They have been tested
in the laboratory of spiritual experience and practical
demonstration. They work when worked.
We may never meet in person, but in this book we have met.
We are spiritual friends. I pray for you. God will help you —
so believe and live successfully.
NORMAN VINCENT PEALE
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